CURRENT TALMUD PASSAGE
Posted May 21, 2004 by Rabbi Judy Abrams. Please refer to Maqom's
home page for information about previous passages.
BH
A MARRIAGE SEDER PLATE
© Judith Z. Abrams, 2004
A student and friend of mine is getting married. I asked him
what sort of gift he'd like expecting him to mention where the
couple was registered. He surprised me by saying, "From you,
I'd like something Jewish." This made my creative juices
start to flow. Both bride and groom come from large Jewish families
and I reasoned they'd probably receive at least 12 pairs of candlesticks.
So to give them something special, I made them a "Marriage
Seder Plate." (This name for it came from another one of
my students, Diana Howard.)
It is made using a bento box (you can find them easily on the
web). I filled each of the compartments with the following items:
- A Swiss Army knife because of the saying: When love was strong,
we could have made our bed on a sword-blade; now that our love
has grown weak, a bed of sixty [cubits] is not large enough for
us. (B. Sanhedrin 7a)
- Barley with 36 pennies buried in it. The barley represents
the minimum economic requirements for household harmony, as it
is said: When the barley is quite gone from the pitcher, strife
[between husband and wife] comes knocking at the door. (B. Baba
Metsia 59a) The 36 pennies represent life (chai =18 in numerology)
for both of them but also the wish that they have more than just
subsistence in living; indeed, that they have enough to be able
to give to charity.
- Hershey's kisses. These represent the sweetness of Torah
and the wish that they study it all their lives. (The candy is
accompanied, outside the box, with two small Chumashim from which
they may study.)
- A myrtle branch. The myrtle is part of the lulav we wave
on Sukkot. The sages tell us that it represents fertility:
Another exposition of the text, "the
fruit of the hadar tree." Hadar symbolizes Abraham, whom
the Holy One, blessed be He, honored (hiddero) with good old
age; as it says, "And Abraham was old, well stricken in
age (Genesis 24:1)" and it is written, "And honor (vehadarta)
the face of the old man (Leviticus 19:32)". Branches (kappot)
of palm-trees" symbolizes Isaac who had been tied (kafut)
and bound upon the altar. "And boughs of thick trees"
symbolizes Jacob; just as the myrtle is crowded with leaves so
was Jacob crowded with children. "And willows of the brook"
symbolizes Joseph; as the willow wilts before the other three
species, so Joseph died before his brothers.
Another exposition of the text, "the fruit of the hadar
tree." Hadar symbolizes Sarah whom the Holy One, blessed
be He, honored (hidderah) with a good old age; as it says, "Now
Abraham and Sara were old (Genesis 18:11)." "Branches
of palm-trees" symbolizes Rebecca; just as the palm-tree
contains eatable fruit as well as prickles, so Rebecca brought
forth a righteous man and a wicked one. "And boughs of thick
trees" symbolizes Leah; just as the myrtle is crowded with
leaves so was Leah crowded with children. "And willows of
the brook" symbolizes Rachel; just as the willow wilts before
the other three species, so Rachel died before her sister. (Leviticus
Rabbah 30:10)
Great sages also used myrtle as a fertility symbol at weddings:
Rabbi Yehudah bar Ilai would take a myrtle
twig and dance before the bride and…R. Samuel the son of
R. Isaac danced with three [myrtle twigs]. (B. Ketubot 17a)
- In the box's smallest compartment is kosher salt. This represents
3 things. (1) It represents keeping kosher and, by extension,
all the customs and rules of keeping a Jewish home. (2) It represents
the wish that all the Torah the family learns will be preserved
in their memories. When we break bread (the staff of life = Torah)
we dip it in the salt so that it will be preserved within us.
(3) It represents tears for no matter how wonderful a marriage
may be it will have moments of sadness.
- One string of true tekhelet (available at http://www.tekhelet.com/)
is enclosed in another compartment of the box. Tekhelet's most
salient characteristic is that it never fades. You could wash
it in bleach 5 times and it would not fade. This represents the
presence of God in their lives and the constancy of their commitment
to each other.
It is this sort of tekhelet that is mentioned in the Shema which
we say three times each day (in the morning, in the evening and
before going to sleep).
Speak to the people of Israel, and bid
them that they make them fringes in the borders of their garments
throughout their generations, and that they put upon the fringe
of the borders a thread of blue; And it shall be to you for a
fringe, that you may look upon it, and remember all the commandments
of the Lord, and do them; and that you seek not after your own
heart and your own eyes, which incline you to go astray; That
you may remember, and do all my commandments, and be holy to
your God. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the
land of Egypt, to be your God; I am the Lord your God. (Numbers
15:38-41)
- Finally, a cup with a lid is meant to symbolize wine and
water. In the sages' day, wine was sold as a concentrate and
then diluted with water before drinking, usually using 1 part
wine and 3 parts of water. Wine represents joy and God's presence
not only in our lives but also in our very bodies:
Wine gladdens the heart of man (Psalm 104:14)
For laughter bread is made, and wine gladdens life, and money
answers all things.
(Ecclesiastes 10:19)
Water is a symbol of Torah:
Just as water endures forever, so do words
of Torah live forever….Just as water cleanses the unclean
of their unclean nesses, so do words of Torah cleans the unclean
of their unclean nesses…Just as water restores a man's soul…so
do words of Torah restore a man's soul…Just as water is
forever free to everyone, so are words of Torah forever free
to everyone…Just as water is priceless, so are words of
Torah priceless. (Sifre Deuteronomy, Piska 48)
Discussion Questions:
- What else would you put in a "Marriage Seder Plate"?
- What are the things that make marriages last? And what are
the things that may do a marriage in?